You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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