Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
