Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
