omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
