Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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