Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you had me at cake vodka
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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