I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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