He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
