Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
People in love make me want to vomit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
