She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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