I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize