So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize