I just made out with a guy for $7.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
