people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize