If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
