Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize