Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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