so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
