we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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