I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
