Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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