Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
