the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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