Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
