i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's never too late to be topless.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
