So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
