LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
