i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
These tits shall not be calmed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
