office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
