my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
