Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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