you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
