a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
