I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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