I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize