Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
