Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
