apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
