Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
