what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
