Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just invented taco cereal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize