i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
