I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
