I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
