just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
