we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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