we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
