Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
