Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
