Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
