I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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