You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
