I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
