so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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