"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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