Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
