All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
