i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
