my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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