I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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