Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
