I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
