dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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