dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
