she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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