Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
