We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize