even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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