yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize