I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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