I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
