how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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