I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
