no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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