Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
