lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
