I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
