I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no you cant smoke seaweed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
