Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize