He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
