i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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