Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
