I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize